SOLDIERX.COM Nobody Can Stop Information Insemination

So here we go, the very first post of my new blog series. I'll warn you right now dear reader, this editorial is meant to spread the knowledge about movies that have been deemed by myself, and possibly a couple of other people, as either horrible pieces of shit or a "must-see". Now, in this process your favorite movie may be thoroughly trashed and thrown onto the coals. So, if you're still reading along, here's a list and some samples of what to expect in future posts.

Eragon

This movie was a prime example on how to fuck up a movie that was taken from a best-selling novel. The first thing I noticed wrong about this horrible piece of shit was the running time. How can you go from a couple hundred pages of text to only an hour and forty-three minutes of film! Seriously, what the fuck were these people thinking?! The next thing that glares at you like the Eye of fucking Sauron is the fact that the villainous king is played by John Malkovich. Come the fuck on people! Sure he was pretty much the only actor who was worth watching in Con Air as the main villain, Cyrus the Virus, but as the villainous king? FUCK! (To be continued...)

Trick or Treat

No, this isn't the movie that they've been promoting for over a year now; this is in fact a piece of shit slasher/paranormal horror film from 1986. And what's the basic plot of this piece of shit you ask? REVENGE!! It stars Skippy, the nerdy friend of Michael J. Fox from Family Ties, as a teenager who's rock star idol (a cheap Alice Cooper rip-off) dies in a fire and is given the last demo recorded by the artist before his fiery demise. Oh, but there's just one problem with this demo record (that's right people, vinyl!), IT'S CURSED!! DUM-DUM-DUM! The rest of the movie floats past as the dead rocker returns from the grave to get back at Skippy's bullies and play that one final concert. And you can't forget the 1986 glam version of Ozzy as the televangelist who gets bitch-smacked. (To be continued...)

Now, I would honestly write more little previews, but I could go on and on about these fucking movies. So for now I'll just leave you with this little taste and I'll be posting the first FULL rant, Earthsea!

Until then people,

-Azrael