Queen of the Damned?! Oh fuck.....

Vampire movies have been a fan favorite for years. The first was the silent film "based" on Stoker's novel Dracula aptly titled Nosferatu starring Max Shreck. After that of course came the hugely popular Universal monsters movies and of course the now classic Dracula starring the late Bella Lugosi. After the success Universal had, everyone got into the monster movie game. Now flash forward about sixty-plus years, and horror movies are still some of the biggest box office draws to this day. Saw, the upcoming remakes of Poltergeist, Friday the 13th, and now Nightmare on Elm Street are all signs that the horror market is still alive and thriving to this day. But there is one movie in particular that has really come onto my shit list since it came out, and that's Warner Bros. Queen of the Damned.

Firstly I have to say this, this was one of the worst fucking vampire movies to come out in the last decade, and on top of that, it was hyped as being better than it's predecessor! Here is my list of gripes about this god awful movie:

First, where in the hell is Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt? Come the fuck on! They replaced Tom Cruise's Lestat with a fucking Irishman! I know that they originally asked him to come back and he refused, but then they actually toyed with the idea of giving the role to Josh Hartnett or Wes Bently. And then on top of that casting screw-up, they completely get rid of Brad Pitt's character from the entire story! God damn, with just these two things to start off with we already have the beginnings of a movie destined to fail.

Second, to draw in more viewers to this orgy of shit, they had Jonathan Davis of Korn sing all of Lestat's song throughout the film. I have a feeling they did this just to get all the little wanna-be bitches into the movie and make them think, 'hey Korn was a part of this so it must be good!' God damn, when will people learn that a fucking soundtrack does not make the fucking movie good!!!

Third, the special effects in this movie were a fucking joke! The vampires show off their "special" powers by running really fast or flying. However, most of their budget must have been blown when it came time for the effects, because the most they could muster was making them all have image trails behind them when they did this shit. I mean, come the fuck on, I've seen some worse B movies than this, and they all have better special effects than this shit!

Fourth, the acting is only slightly better than porn, and that's really a stretch. They pulled in some of the worst no-name actors of the time to star in this, and boy does it fucking show. The only two who had any real major Hollywood fame at the time was the late R&B star Aailyah and actor Stuart Townsend. At the time this was made her only real acting credit was her role in the Jet Li film, Romeo Must Die, and his major movie was ummm.........actually it was fucking nothing!! Other stars of this festering sore were Vincent Perez, whom you all may remember as the worst fucking Crow next to Edward Furlong in City of Angels; Marguerite Moreau, who's only real claim to fame was the fucking Mighty Ducks series before this; Lena Olin, her biggest role before this movie were small parts in Mystery Men and Chocolat with Johnny Depp, oh and she also starred with Richard Gere, in Mr. Jones as the psychiatrist who sleeps with him instead of curing him. What's the main thing linking these people together? NO FUCKING ACTING SKILLS!!

Lastly, Anne Rice has actually come out against this movie. After the movie was out about a year she stated that the story would've been better off developed as TV series instead of a movie. There is also the fact that unlike the previous Vampire Chronicles film, she was denied the chance to even contribute to the movie's script! I mean, what the fuck people! You know the movie is going to suck major ass when the original creator isn't allowed to really add anything into a movie based on her work!

To sum this bitch up, this movie is fucking horrible. It takes two really good story lines and fucks them in the ass to create this horrible bastardized version. I wouldn't make my worst enemy watch this shit as fucking torture. The acting is basically porn caliber and the special effects are fucking horrible, even when compared to such fuck-ups as Cradle of Fear and Sleepaway Camp. If you want to watch a good vampire movie, I would suggest Interview With the Vampire, Bram Stoker's Dracula, or any of the Christopher Lee Hammer Dracula films.

But for now, stay the fuck away from this piece of fucking donkey shit.